Comfort In Love
by Coz
Summary: [Complete] He's always's been there for her and will always be. (Contains reference to minor character death)


**I've been meaning to do another short stand alone for a while, especially when darkfaith5 nagged...I mean asked me. This story is dedicated to her for her words of encouragement!!**

**Thanks to Naliza, my wonderful beta reader for being a wonderful friend and amazing beta!! :)**

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Firmly shutting the door behind her, she raised her right foot and roughly pulled the heeled shoe from it. Pulling her arm back she threw it as hard as she could across the room. With a loud thud, it bounced off the wall clattered noisily to the floor, the second shoe followed it, landing a few feet from the first.

Backing herself into the corner, she slid slowly to the floor, her body leaning heavily on the two walls behind her. After undoing her neck tie and popping open the top two buttons, her head slid forward so that her forehead rested on her knees.

She fought the first tear that came to her eyes, blinking it back as hard as she could, trying to swallow the ever growing lump in her throat before it choked her. The second tear proved to be harder to fight, rapidly blinking to force it away proved to be futile. As the third, fourth and fifth tears appeared she found that she could no longer fight them. Hot, wet tears splashed on to her thighs, dripping on to her neatly pressed dress skirt.

She did not even bother to brush them away and even stopped to bother fighting their appearance. A strangled sob escaped from her mouth, her shoulders shook as she bit back another. Tears continued to trace hot salty tracts down her flushed cheeks, dripping noisily from her chin on to the stiff material.

She failed to hear the first knock at the door; the sobs that she had surrendered to were filling her ears. The only sounds she could hear were coming from within her own body, the rapid, painful beating of her heart, her ragged, uneven breathing, coming in fits and starts between the painful sobs escaping her mouth.

The second, louder, more urgent knock broke through her consciousness slightly but she ignored it. She could not face anyone, not now, not like this.

The third knock brought anger, she wanted to be alone, she needed to be alone with her grief. The last thing she wanted was platitudes or someone else's grief; she could not cope with it, not right now.

The small part of her brain that was still processing rational thought was hoping that who ever it was would go away. That part of her brain was sorely disappointed when a voice came through the locked door.

"I know you're in there, please open the door."

"Please just go away," she called out through the sobs.

She heard the door open, him using the key she had given him, she had never regretted it, not until that moment when he let himself into her house uninvited. She hated him for coming but at the same time she loved him for it.

She heard him shuffle through the hall and felt his presence as he kneeled in front of her.

"Daniel called me, he told me what happened," he said quietly.

"I don't want to talk about it, leave me alone."

"I'm sorry I couldn't get here earlier. I tried; I wanted to be here for you."

"You didn't have to come all the way back, I didn't need you to come back. I'm okay," she said emphatically, it was as if she was believed that if she said it with enough conviction it would be true.

"I know you don't need me, I wanted to be here," he offered soothingly, gently putting a hand on her knee. Still she avoided eye-contact; still she stared intently at her legs.

"Why is this so different?" she asked.

"What?"

"I've buried so many people I care about, so why is it so different this time?"

"Because it's different this time. It's someone you knew well, someone you really cared about."

"I got her involved, she would have been better if I'd let her get kicked out of the Academy," she confessed after a moment of tense silence. Both wanted to talk but neither knew what to say.

"She wouldn't have been better, she loved what she did."

"Maybe but she'd be alive," she replied simply. All the words in the world would not be able to persuade her that things would have been better if she'd left everything alone. She had to see the potential in her, show her what she could have, persuade others that she could be more than what she showed.

"I know she wouldn't regret anything," he offered.

"How would you know, have you spoken to her in the last six months? When was the last time you saw her? Your retirement? When you moved up to Minnesota and forgot about us and the past nine years," she said with venom, finally pulling her forehead from her knees and looking at him in the eyes.

"I never forgot about you, you know I could never forget what we went through together, the phone calls, e-mails should have told you that. I thought you understood why I had to leave, get away from everything here," he said calmly. He took no offence in her words, however spiteful they may seem. Her anger was deflecting onto him from other directions.

"I know," she whispered, barely audible.

"I know I hadn't seen her for a long time but I knew her. Not as well as you did but I took the time to talk to her. She was a good officer and I know she'll be missed, by lots of people."

"I know that it's worth the risks, that the fight is worth it. We've done good and we've saved lives but I can't help but to think of everyone we've buried, about every time a family had been sent a letter full of lies and a weighted coffin and I think about how lucky I've been and what I've sacrificed."

"Like what?"

"Like the chance of a normal life, look what happened with Pete. I couldn't give him a normal life, I couldn't give him kids just then, the SGC seemed too important."

"Seemed?"

"It's made me think, about what could happen and I could never have. She was engaged, you know that?"

"No."

"Another Lieutenant, works up in NORAD. She could have been so much, had so much. Family, a great career and now she's gone and there's another person who'll be fed lies about her death, lies that I facilitate. I hate lying and I've lied for too many years."

The tears began to flow again. They fell unchecked from her eyes until he reached over and gently wiped her face with his thumb. She leant her face into the palm of his hand and he gently stroked her face.

"You're thinking of giving all this up?" he asked, surprised at what he was hearing. He never really expected her to leave the SGC so willingly.

"Not thinking, I've made my decision. I'm leaving, I don't want to lie anymore, I want a normal life again. One where I can talk about what I did in the day, one where I don't have to watch what I say. One where I can have an adult relationship."

"You don't mean that, this is just the grief talking."

"Is it? This is me talking, this whole thing has just helped me make the decision."

"You think you'll be happy away from the SGC?"

"Why not, you are. Maybe I can teach, something quiet. Something normal."

"There's that word again."

"Normal?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"I want a normal life, I want to be normal."

"But you'll never be normal," he said. She looked intently at him, a look of annoyance appearing on her face. "You're special, everything you do, everything you are," he added tenderly.

She smiled, a tiny flicker of a smile but it was there, if only for the briefest of seconds. She leant further into his hand and he pulled her gently into his arms. Her body was leaning against his and her head nestled in his shoulder.

She relaxed slightly as she inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent that was unique to him, the scent that made her feel safe and secure.

"You're pretty special yourself, you know?" she whispered into his shoulder.

"So I've been told, but I'm not sure it was exactly a compliment," he joked lightly.

They sat in silence for a few seconds; he gently stroked her back before planting a soft kiss in her hair. She was evidently still using the same shampoo, the one that smelt of coconut, he realised.

As he pulled away from her hair, she raised her head and caught his lips with hers. He froze, not knowing what to do; she pulled away after a second. She broke eye contact with him and started focusing on her knees again, embarrassment flushing her face.

He gently traced his hand down her face until it came to a rest under her chin; with the lightest of touches he pulled her face upwards so that her eyes met his again. Once their eyes met, he smiled slightly before kissing her gently.

She responded, her hands on his back, holding tight to him as though he were her only lifeline. His hands continued to gently stroke her back until he broke away.

"You want this?" he asked, slightly nervously, she nodded silently, with her eyes, she asked the same question. "Oh yeah but do you think I can be part of your normal life?" he replied.

"Take me to Minnesota and we can find out," Sam said quietly, staring deep into his eyes.

Jack smiled and kissed her again.

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**I'd love your opinion on this, especially as it ended up somewhere totally different to where I intended it to, there was never meant to be any ship at all but my muse goes where it wants to!! Never mind eh!!**


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